Jack had not seen his son Daryl since he had went to prison five years ago. Jack had been trying to recover from alcoholism for 3 years, and felt deeply guilty about the way his son had turned out. Daryl was moved to a holiday unit so that the two could visit for about two hours in the reception room of the complex, which was specially designed for such occasions. Jack was very nervous about the meeting, but his sponsor in AA insisted that he go and tell Daryl how he felt and make amends. He felt that he had consistently let Daryl down, and that his criminality was the result of the terrible upbringing he had.
Daryl’s mom was killed while driving drunk, and at the time Jack was working shift work at a plant, six days a week. Jack’s brother Sam offered to help out by looking after the boy at night. Sam was a high school civics teacher. Sam molested Daryl at a pool party to commemorate his 6th birthday, and continued to do so until Daryl finally talked to his youth minister about it three years later.
When the story broke in the press and Jack had a nervous breakdown and tried to kill his brother, who was out on bail awaiting trial. As he was kicking in the door to his brother’s house the cops showed up, and Jack brandished a gun. It was a small town and the cops knew about the issue and were able to talk Jack out of the homicidal rage he was in, promising that justice would be served. After a very tense 30 minutes of negotiation Jack finally went along silently, and was charged with attempted aggravated assault. He was denied bail, but was shortly released after his brother had been sentenced to a 25 year bid.
Jack was put on probation, but was not able to successfully complete it because he took to drinking and drugging very hard, and got a string of DWIs and DUIs. Things spiraled out of control until Jack went to prison on felony DWI and child protective services arranged for a home for Daryl. The families he was put with were good people, but were unable to handle Daryl’s increasingly violent and disruptive behavior. He skipped from family to family until he went to Juvenile Detention for threating to kill the principal of his school at 16. At 18 he held up a liquor store and while doing so called the Korean owner a lot of racist names. After the owner began to protest his treatment Daryl pistol whipped him. Daryl had gotten Nazi tattoos in Juvenile Detention and the DA pushed for a hate crime conviction. The hate crime charge didn’t stick and Daryl accepted a plea for 8 years. He was sent to a “gladiator camp”, which is what they call units reserved for young violent criminals, but Daryl was a not considered an easy target, so mostly his time was without major incident and he managed to stay out of segregation. By the time Jack got out of prison Daryl had already began his stay.
As soon as Daryl was sentenced the youth minister Francis, who he had originally told about the abuse began writing him. Francis was very faithful in this task. As a result of the constant advice by the minister, Daryl attended church regularly in prison and enrolled in one of the few vocational programs the state cared to offer. There was a long waiting list for each but Francis was able to write the warden and get Daryl moved to the top. He learned to weld and got a high school diploma. Francis encouraged Daryl to begin thinking about his life critically from the day he went in. He also sent him religious and political literature to read. Daryl began to feel that it was not entirely his fault that he did what he did, and that there was a spiritual and political way out from the physical and mental pain the world inflicted on him.
When the cops buzzed Jack into the reception room Jack was so nervous he was shaking. The reception room was crowded and hot. People of all kinds filled the tables set up in the middle of the floor, or lounged on couches or played with children in a little corner with the too few toys the state brought in. Jack immediately spotted Daryl at a table and walked directly over to him. The two shook hands stiffly. The two sat and Jack immediately told Daryl what he needed to tell him. He told him that he felt he had been a terrible father and that he felt directly responsible for all the harm that had come to him. He told him that he was working hard to stay sober and put away money so that when Daryl got out he would have a little cushion and he wanted to do right by him finally. He told him that he was making good money and that if his son needed to move in with him he could. Daryl just sat quietly and listened. He wanted to rewind time, to make it all better, to make the pain stop. He wanted to stop the hate and the anger and the overwhelming rage and alienation that had driven him all his life. He wanted to tell his dad that it was ok, that it would be ok, that he was going to work hard and get sober and that life would be fine and that mom was watching over them both. But he didn’t say much of anything, he mostly simply listened, and when it was over they were both crying and they hugged for a long time. Daryl simply said that he was going to do right when he got out and that was the only planes he had, beyond that who could say? Then they went over to the couches and watched football saying little.
On the drive back Jack felt incredibly light. He felt the lightness and stillness that comes after a great emotional surge, the satisfied satiation of the soul. One small voice disturbed his spent state. As he slowed for a stop sign he suddenly knew in a quiet way he would no longer have to kill Sam when and if he was released. He stopped at the stop sign and put the car in park. The day was cold and grey and blanketed by thick grey clouds. High up in the cold air he could hear the harsh call of geese moving south, following their star mapped soul to a climate where food and warmth were abundant. Jack stepped out of the car and looked up, but could not see the geese. He could only here them, and assume that they were there, looking down at the world from their great and beautiful distances, detacthed and perfect like the gods.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment